Strange maze, what is this place?

preschtale:

logicgoeshere:

der-prinz-aus-stahl:

basiumis:

datjukebird:

condensation

Condensation

cream

The best are the shirts with sayings:

PEANUTBUTTERCHOCOLATEBAR
MOTHERFUCKER

(Source: makemelaughblog, via frickticious)

hermionemollycharliepond:

just-raowolf:

edenwolfie:

my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe

We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.
First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths," I snapped. "Get on Asda’s website right now." His face froze.
“A-Asda?" he whispered. "But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.”
This was a good start.
We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast," he said.
“Toast," I said. "Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—”
“Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.”
“You WHAT?" I choked. "You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?”
He frowned. “Who doesn’t?”
“Okay," I said, "but what will the children eat?”
He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?”
We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes," he agreed; "if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.”
He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh," I said. "Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.”
“But I’m not.”
“Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—”
“We’re married!?”
“Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?”
He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.”
We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay," he said, clearly thinking hard; "for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?”
“Vegetarian.”
“Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.”
“We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.”
“You and your children!" he yelled, and the whole class looked around.
“They’re your children too!" I screamed back.
He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!”
“Please," I cried, standing up also. "Don’t—”
“I want a divorce!”
And he walked out of the classroom.
The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry," I whispered, "but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.”
I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.

READ THE WHOLE THING

hermionemollycharliepond:

just-raowolf:

edenwolfie:

my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe

We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.

First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths," I snapped. "Get on Asda’s website right now." His face froze.

A-Asda?" he whispered. "But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.

This was a good start.

We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast," he said.

Toast," I said. "Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—

Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.

You WHAT?" I choked. "You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?

He frowned. “Who doesn’t?

Okay," I said, "but what will the children eat?

He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?

We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes," he agreed; "if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.

He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh," I said. "Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.

But I’m not.

Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—

We’re married!?

Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?

He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.

We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay," he said, clearly thinking hard; "for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?

Vegetarian.

Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.

We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.

You and your children!" he yelled, and the whole class looked around.

They’re your children too!" I screamed back.

He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!

Please," I cried, standing up also. "Don’t—

I want a divorce!

And he walked out of the classroom.

The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry," I whispered, "but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.

I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.

READ THE WHOLE THING

(via frickticious)

morefunthanb4:


It’s weird when you read a headline like that and your first thought is like holy shit, even on death row, what kind of sick fuck would make that request but then you see the guys face and go oh right, yeah, that dude. sure.

morefunthanb4:

It’s weird when you read a headline like that and your first thought is like holy shit, even on death row, what kind of sick fuck would make that request but then you see the guys face and go oh right, yeah, that dude. sure.

(via swampfizzy)

bonerfart:

Me: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world

Doctor: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work

Me: I love my tiny son

(via frickticious)

thewinterwizard:

captain america: the winter soldier aka steve makes some new best friends and his old best friend is so pissed off he comes back from the dead and tries to kill them all

(via forestbucky)

shannibal-cannibal:

inkyubus:

sandandglass:

President Barack Obama at the White House Correpondents’ Dinner. 

OBAMA HAS TOTALLY STOPPED GIVING A FUCK AND IT’S THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN

this shit was brutal

(via amypoehlcat)

221bitssmallerontheoutside:

beevomitbooboo:

beevomitbooboo:

beevomitbooboo:

sixpenceee:

Who remembers the Berenstain Bears? Many people actually remember it as the Berenstein Bears. It’s part of the Mandela theory, or a term that someone is positive something happened although it didn’t. Many attribute these false memories as a glimpse into a parallel universe. (Source)

Ok nonononono fuck no I swear I have these on my shelf and I swear to god they say Berenstein, I am checking right now this cannot be real

WHAT THE FUCJK THEY ALL FUKCING SAY BERENSTAIN THEY DIDN’T SAY THAT WHEN i WAS A CHILD I DON’T UNDERSTAND. THIS CANNOT BE REAL, THIS CANNOT BE A THING

It was DEFINITELY Berenstein though, this is blowing my mind. If you had asked me before this moment I would have spelled it that way, and now I have like ten books on my shelf spelled like freaking Berenstain.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

(via holymusicalbatman)

dutchster:

why is it so hard for me to just sit down and focus on what i- *googles puppies in halloween costumes*

(via sarcasm-and-rainbow-sprinkles)